Welcome to my first blog post!
I thought I would start it of by sharing the stories of my personal struggle with anxiety.
Even sitting here writing this has begun to make me nervous- so please be kind :)
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What does anxiety mean to you?
I'm sure some people will be impartial to the word, and the feeling. On the other hand, I am sure that is a word that may have haunted some of you for most of your life, without you even realising. After years of not understanding why I have felt the way I have, or reacting the way I have, it all makes sense now as to why - Anxiety.
It has been a huge part of my life, without me even realising. I used to feel sick about standing up in front of anyone and having to speak in front of people. My face would go as red as a tomato. My mind is always constantly worrying about what others are thinking about me. Having to give a speech at school were some of the worst of my school days - that's including the bullying. I say bullying very reluctantly, but I look back now and there were days where I was ostracised by a group of people that I thought were my friends, on multiple occasions.
There is a day I remember so terribly clearly, where I felt sickly alone, and I was in the bathrooms instead of in class calling Mum, asking her to pick me up and take me home. Fight or flight mode consumed the majority of my schooling life, and the only way I felt I could maintain any control was by starving myself. I would go through the whole day chewing gum so that I wouldn't eat anything. This was the thinnest I have ever been in my life. I wasn't healthy and now I look back, it was a silent cry for help.
I had never suffered any sort of panic attack until the last few years. They have also been few and far between, but every now and then I can feel them lingering when I am extremely overwhelmed, waiting for a moment to make my breathing shallow & sharp, gasping for air.
My body gets clammy and I feel sweaty & stuck. And in that moment I feel that no matter what anyone around me might say, it makes no difference. The thoughts in my head become so consuming - to the point where I literally cannot hear or comprehend anything that is being said to me. I can hear "everything will be okay" echo but my mind doesn’t comprehend it. At this point my mind is at it's worst. It's like a locked door that refuses to budge, and no key will fit the lock.
Sometimes it's hard for my family and friends to understand what's happening with me and my thought process (or lack thereof). They are the most wonderfully loving and caring people I could ever ask for, but sometimes another persons anxiety and thought process can be a difficult thing to understand.
And that's perfectly okay - to not understand.
This is why I want to talk to about it. This is why I'm choosing to share my story.
I want to break down the barriers that anxiety put up. I want to abolish the misunderstandings of anxiety, and create an awareness for peoples troubling thoughts. Everyone should have a space where they feel they can feel the soothing echoes of "everything is going to be okay", and can truly feel it too.
And this is why I have created Newton Fit.
To me, and hopefully to you, it's far more than just an activewear brand. It's an opportunity to bring people together and create a community of people who can care and support one another.
Thank you for reading!
Love Emma xx